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USELESS OCCUPATION
by Adam Donaldson Powell
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, March 1, 1989
Computer Disk Number 54; file name: Spring ‘ 89
Well, well ... last night was certainly an interesting evening. Evelyn Waterson, of “Evelyn finally got the nerve to divorce Charlie Atkins” renomme, rang me up out of the blue around 4:15 p.m. yesterday afternoon. Caught me quite off guard – I hadn’t heard from her for about a year-and-a-half; only heard stray rumors concerning her ‘strange’ intrigues. Anyway, we had babbled and gossiped for some forty-five minutes when I told her that I would love to talk more but simply couldn’t because my ear was painfully sore from clinging to the telephone receiver. Of course, being the same old Evvie underneath the new garments of time and change, she took me quite literally and emphatically insisted that I meet her for drinks in the East Village: “and while we’re at it, why not dinner as well?!! I’m simply starving and I have so much to tell you!” And tell me she did. Although, I must say, she seems to have gotten over the break-up with Charlie completely, and made not one accusation or snide comment. We ate at Ciao Manhattan, a new and trendy “bistro” with good food, high prices and .. do I need to say? .. a tacky name. By the time her dessert came (I was just drinking at that point) she began to tell me about her new friends: a couple of actors, a recent graduate from Harvard Business School, a homeopathist, a Neo-Post-Modernist (?) painter, a cashier at “East-West Natural Foods and Minerals” who was, as she put it ‘absolutely, exquisitely cute’, and a trance medium (she called him a “channeller”) named Winfield Persons. I expressed polite acknowledgment of the former several personalities, but goaded her into telling my everything concerning Winfield Persons. He sounds quite interesting, actually.
She met him at a “Gems and Minerals” show at the Coliseum last January, and they’ve apparently struck up quite a friendship. It seems that Evelyn has ‘gotten into’ psychic and occult investigations, and Mr. Persons has given her much guidance and teaching; some of it through channelling. I asked Evvie whether she thought that Mr. Persons would agree to a meeting and/or demonstration of his talents with me, as it sounded like a great angle for a magazine series – perhaps an interview with the “channeller” followed up with one, or several with the “channellee”. Evvie thought it was a wonderful idea and told me she would call Winfield to inquire, but corrected my terminology: a ‘channellee’ is called a “focalizer”. Focalizer? Hmmph! But I took it in stride of course, and departed a little intoxicated (if not thoroughly “ripped to the tits”) and in a festive mood. God, do I need a few special themes for features right now! These goddamned movie reviews I’ve been living off of lately are driving me up the creative wall.
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, March 12, 1989
Computer Disk Number 54; file name: Spring ’89-1
At the bottom of a pile of bills, junk mail, and postcards from my mother (she’s gone to Florida again) today, was a note from Winfield Persons. I didn’t recognize his name at first, but his business card, which was included, identified him as a “channeller”. Then I remembered him as Evvie’s friend. She had called and told him about my interest after all. The message was brief: “Dear Benjamin Friou, I have received word of your interest in my work and would be happy to make an appointment with you for next week. My card is enclosed. Sincerely, Winfield Persons.” I read the letter several times, smoked a cigarette while groaning over the bills, and dialled his number. An answering machine with a pleasant message and spacey music urged me to leave my name and number for a return call. He called me back while I was editing a review of “Some Like It Hot” (a ghastly Madonna remake). We arranged an appointment at his place on the Upper West Side for next Saturday at 8:00 p.m. Sounds like a nice guy.
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, March 17, 1989
Computer Disk Number 54; file name: Spring ’89-2
11:39 p.m. – I just got home from Winfield’s apartment, or should I say loft. What a beautiful space! He lives in a huge old converted ballroom, renovated and furnished in minimalist style, with parkay floors, massive windows, antique oriental carpets, Tibetan paintings, and several ceiling-high tropical plants. Although the surroundings were by no means sterile, the pristine cleanliness of the expanse prompted me to remove my shoes in the entrance foyer without even being asked. Winfield is about 34 years old, tall and lean, has red hair and blue eyes, and is soft-spoken. He invited me to sit down in the living room (and get this: on two enormous overstuffed cushions fashioned from Persian rugs which were situated facing one another under a floor-to-ceiling pyramid made of copper rods and quartz crystals); and he brought in a tray with ginseng tea and gotokola wafers. “Gotokola”, he explained, “is the food of the elephants, which many attribute to their long life span.” I was awed and overwhelmed, to say the least.
He didn’t mind my setting up the tape recorder I had brought along, which was quite fortunate as I would have loathed compromising my attention and concentration any more than absolutely necessary. And so we began: first with me asking elementary questions about his life history, work and intentions; and then with him virtually giving me a discourse on channelling, the elemental workings of crystals, gem and flower elixirs, and their impact on present and future scientific technology and world psychic evolution. I’d used two 60-minute cassette tapes and was quite light-headed when he quietly announced that the session had reached a terminal point at 10:55 p.m. He then asked me when I wished to meet Kerry O’Toole. I looked at him in puzzlement, and he explained that “Kerry” was his focalizer (boy, was I glad that Evelyn had briefed me on that word – but I got the impression that she had told him about my previous misuse of terminology, because he seemed to have a curious smile and gleem in his eyes when he enunciated ‘focalizer’). I mumbled an “Oh, right .. uh, RIGHT! Anytime! When is he, I mean, are you available?” Winfield laughed softly and emitted a smile as radiant as the refraction of light on the crystals surrounding us, while saying: “Let’s try for next Tuesday, about 7:30 p.m. We won’t know until then, of course, if it fits Kerry’s schedule.” “Of course?!!” I exclaimed in return. “Do you mean that he doesn’t always appear?” “That’s right,” he answered with a wink, “focalizers come and go as they wish. And when they’re here, they are the ones who are basically in control.” “I see,” I replied, adding: “this should be most interesting.” He agreed to the magazine story on him and his work, and assured me that “Kerry” would not reveal anything to me that was to remain secret. I floated back down to my flat in Soho – I was so elated that I didn’t even once complain or groan about the bumpy ride down Sixth Avenue, as I usually do.
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, March 21, 1989
Computer Disk Number 54; file name: Spring ’89-3
10:41 p.m. – I’ve been home for about 40 minutes now, and I’m still in a state of shock over my first session with a channeller. I don’t know what to write about it yet – it was one of the most amazing things I’ve experienced in my entire life to-date. Was is real? I can’t say for sure, but it was one helluva impressive show!” “Kerry” appeared after some minutes and “overtook” the body and personality of Winfield completely! Winfield’s mannerisms, voice, accent and inflections – everything – were totally transformed into that of a turn-of-a-century gentleman of Irish descent. He introduced himself as “Kerry O’Toole”, born in Dublin, Ireland on September 3, 1899 of Scott Edward O’Toole and Hattie Leary. He was a chemist who emigrated to America in 1922; married Antonia Garfield a year later (who ran off with another man afterwards); and he died in New York City, on March 16, 1947 – a recluse and occult scientist – as the result of a “miscalculation in scientific judgment”, which he refused to explain or elaborate upon. He told me that had had much to teach me regarding techniques for psychic development and expansion, which would benefit me and the human race at-large. He added that, should I consent to his extraordinary tutelage, I would also give him the opportunity to continue his own previous work through me. When I asked him whether he approved of / or objected to my proposed magazine story(ies), he chuckled and replied that such matters were irrelevant, saying: “If you insist on writing, I will help you – but I’ve always considered it to be, as Henri Regniér so well coined the phrase, ‘a useless occupation’.” That was the last thing he said to me before Winfield Persons began to shake all over, and eventually regained control of himself. He didn’t say much after that, other than that he was always exhausted after a channelling session, remembered little of that which had transpired, and did not particularly wish to know either. My dealings with Kerry were not his personal concern. I played back for him Kerry’s invitation to me for continued communication, and we set up a schedule beginning with the following Saturday evening. And then he politely hurried me to the door. He looked truly ill, but I guess that I would feel out-of-sorts myself had I been through such a psychic upheaval.
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, March 29, 1989
Computer Disk Number 54; file name: Spring ’89-4
1:04 a.m. – Tonight’s session was most fascinating. We covered several esoteric and scientific principles, including telepathy, the psychic impact of color and sound, the etheric planes, and the precepts of alchemical research. Kerry is amazing. He knows exactly when to stop so that I don’t overload.
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, April 12, 1989
Computer Disk Number 54; file name: Spring ’89-5
Over the past couple of weeks I’ve become increasingly obsessed with my studies. I’ve stopped socializing entirely – most of my time is consumed with wading through rare volumes on physics, geometry, mineralogy, and theology at Columbia University and the New York Public Library. I’ve left the telephone disconnected the past several days. Kerry has been very encouraging and patient, and assures me that I am making commendable progress. One thing he said tonight puzzles me though: he said that the time is soon coming when it would be more expedient for him to come to me, rather than for me to come to him. I didn’t really understand, but I didn’t question him any further on the matter either. I’ve learned to judge what is to be merely accepted by the tone of voice he employs.
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, April 27, 1989
Computer Disk Number 54; file name: Spring ‘ 89-6
8:21 a.m. – A very sad and disappointing morning, indeed. Evelyn just called and awakened me with some rather disturbing news: Winfield is dead! His sister found him lying in a pool of blood in his kitchen last night. He had plunged a dagger through his own heart. No motive has been established. I feel awful about it – poor Winfield! Poor Kerry! I never once considered this as a possibility; nor did I ever stop to realize how dependent I (we) were upon Winfield. It’s hard to believe that it is all over. So suddenly! I’m depressed.
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, April 28, 1989
Computer Disk Number 54; file name: Spring ’89-7
“Dear Diary:” I feel like a young girl in love! The most wonderful thing has happened. I was so depressed after Evvie’s phone call yesterday morning, that I remained in bed all day and all night long. I awoke around 4:00 p.m. this morning with a migraine headache and a strange ringing in my ears. I had trouble rousing myself out of my somnambulance and, indeed, remained in a sort of half-conscious stupor. I felt moved to get out of bed and find pen and paper in order to write. What I was going to write, I had no idea – but the pull was very strong. After an unaccounted amount of time I heard the ringing in my ears return, my dizziness lessened, and I looked down at what I had written. The writing was in a foreign script – an almost unintelligible scrawl, if you will – but it clearly read, to my astonishment both then and now, “Winfield Persons has succumbed to obsolescence; Kerry O’Toole lives now more than ever. Keep paper and pen by your bedside. You will find it to be of convenience. (signed) Kerry O’Toole.” My hands were trembling as I reread the paper over and over again. So this is what he meant – automatic writing! I’ve been up for three hours now, and it still feels like a dream.
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, May 15, 1989
Computer Disk Number 54; file name: Spring ’89-8
I’ve stopped thinking about the magazine series for now. All the editors I’ve queried have given me a polite “We feel that the market is not ready for the topic” or “Perhaps we could use a short story – but purely as fictional entertainment.” I get the feeling that most of them think I’m mad. It’s just as well, I guess. All I really want to do now is continue my studies with Kerry. Even my personal journal entries are becoming less frequent. Up until last week I had been copying the automatic writing by hand and then transferring it to a computer disk. As Kerry has been feeding me data in one and-a-half hour sessions, three times-a-day, daily – I’ve had to stay up half the night retyping it into the personal computer. But now I’ve begun taking the dictation directly onto a floppy disk. Kerry is quite pleased, as I’m less tired, have more concentration, and we’re getting more work accomplished. He has humor indeed: two days ago he prefaced an essay on mummification and life suspension with the salutation: “Dear Ghost Writer,”. But Kerry is also quite practical. He forces me to take the necessary time out to do the blasted movie reviews – even though I’d rather not be bothered. And he pushes me to exercise and to eat well, saying: “A healthy body and mind are indispensable to our present and upcoming work. They are your vehicle for psychic transformation.” Transformation – that word again. I understand him, and then I don’t .. at least not completely. When I feel frustrated with my progress, he soothes me by admonishing me to be patient with myself, and by assuring me that I will soon know more than even Winfield did. Then he usually makes a joke or finds some other way to make me laugh. For example: last week I had gone to a premiere screening of “Ghostbusters 3”. When I returned home, Kerry dictated a wonderful “black humor” review of the film. I commented that I hadn’t realized that he had been at the screening. He replied that he hadn’t, in fact – but that having access to my mind also meant that he has full awareness of my personal experiences, in as much detail as I sense them myself. I was a bit disturbed by this when he first said it, although I’ve known it to be the case for quite a while now. Over the past two and-a-half weeks our communications have become much more dialogue-oriented. It’s strange to think of how anyone else would react to seeing me sitting for hours on end in front of my computer screen, talking to myself through my typing. Damn! My ears are ringing. I’d better sign off on the journal for now.
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, May 27, 1989
Computer Disk Number 54; file name: Spring ’89-9
Kerry has me researching more and more religious and anthroposophical texts now. He says he has enough physical science and mathematical input. I’ve been reading several obscure volumes on Theosophy and secret societies such as the Essenes, Golden Dawn, the early Masons etc. In addition, he has relayed to me the fruits of his own previous research into the esoteric theories and practices of the early Egyptian priesthood, the Lemurians, the Atlanteans, the Minoans, and the Byzantinians. My mother called and asked why she hasn’t heard from me, and why she hasn’t been able to reach me by telephone for so long. I explained that I’ve been working very hard. She’s invited me to take a break and join her in the Berkshires for a few days, and then spend the weekend in Boston. She has symphony tickets to hear Ashkenazy play the Brahms 2nd piano concerto. She wouldn’t let me say “no” flat out, so I promised to think about it and call her back tomorrow. Kerry has insisted that I go. He says it’s time for me to take a little break anyway, and that it’s better than her visiting my apartment unexpectedly to check up on what’s going on. He’s suggested that I take two weeks and spend some time in Salem, Massachusetts before returning to New York City. When I asked him “Why Salem?”, he responded by saying: “Because of the historical and occult archives, of course.” I asked him if he intended for me to start studying witchcraft, and he explained that “witchcraft” is an uneducated term invented by ignorant Christians who lived in fear of the unknown, and which was fostered by greedy members of the inner-Church who did everything possible to keep the higher teachings from the public-at-large. “Witches” were, then, any persons who presumed to go beyond traditional organized religion in faith and practice. He further told me that all major organized religions have similar outcasts: Islam has its Sufis, Judaism has its Qabbalists, etc. The religions that attempted to preserve knowledge in their practices have been either totally annihilated or forced to go underground as secret societies. New Age spirituality, he elaborated, is not actually “new” at all – it is more a rediscovery of practical knowledge long ago employed by the ancients. I’ll call Mother in the morning.
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, May 28, 1989
Computer Disk Number 54; file name: Spring ’89-10
Needless to say, Mother is delighted – as much for having gotten her way after all, as for obtaining my company. I leave for Great Barrington, Massachusetts tonight.
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, June 13, 1989
Computer Disk Number 54; file name: Spring ’89-11
I’m back. Mother was dreadful – so many questions about my life, my work, my social life etc. But I think I did a pretty good acting job because she seemed satisfied when I left her in Boston. I told her that I was off to Connecticut for a week-and-a-half to stay at Evelyn’s cottage outside Darien. That, of course, pleased her considerably. She’s always worried about me working too hard and isolating myself socially. I felt embarrassed approaching the historians in Salem about witches at first, but I was received quite unabashedly. It appears that such investigations by scholars and writers are not uncommon. What I uncovered proved most fascinating, in light of my other studies to-date. But, I must admit that I am feeling a bit uncomfortable about where this is all heading.
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, June 29, 1989
Computer Disk Number 54; file name: Spring ’89-12
Kerry has had me read several books by Anne Besant, “666” and other books by Aleister Crowley, some writings by Rudolf Steiner, and a curious book called the “Necronomicon”, which I gather was relayed through automatic writing. He has also been teaching me about visualization, the psycho/spiritual effects of religious and occult rituals, the essential qualities of the four elements (earth, air, water and fire), and various geometrical configurations used in talismans. His last communication was as follows: “The time has now come to learn the practical applications of the academic knowledge attained thus far. Go thee to the Magickal Mandrake Bookstore on West 18th Street and purchase the following – four white candles encased in glass tumblers, two black candles, an incense brazier, a silver chalice, a package of charcoal suitable for incense burning, an ounce of “Flying Oil”, a double-edged dagger, and these herbs: a half-ounce of belladonna, a half-ounce of lobelia, and also a half-ounce of absinthe ... and, oh yes, you’ll also need to purchase one large and one small mason jar, a mortar and pestle, six bottles of strong wine, and four large white quartz crystals as well as one smokey quartz crystal, thirteen small pieces of obsidian, and twenty feet of one-quarter-inch diameter copper wire. Benjamin,” he added, “don’t question me on this – just do it!” The last statement was demanding unlike ever before. I don’t dare cross him
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, June 30, 1989
Computer Disk Number 54; file name: Spring ’89-13
Well -– I’ve made the purchases, as requested. What a strange store, and filled with even stranger things! It’s a virtual occult supermarket, frequented by fairly normal-looking people of all ages; and no one flinched at all when I presented my shopping list. I did have trouble figuring out where to buy the crystals and obsidian, but a quick phone call to Evelyn led me to a perfectly-suitable gem and mineral outlet in the East 30’s. I haven’t heard from Kerry all day. I guess he’s giving me a chance to take all this in.
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, July 1, 1989
Computer Disk Number 54; file name: Spring ’89-14
Blast! Kerry work me up at 5:30 a.m. this morning, telling me it’s time to go to work. He’s had me typing all sorts of exercises non-stop for the past six hours – I finally have a break; but who knows for how long. Thank God I have the journal in which to blow off steam. There’s certainly no one else to complain to. The exercises and assignments have to do with astral projection, visualization, ritual methods for casting magic circles, instructions for setting up an altar room; recipes for libations and making incense; invocations of spirits, candle magic; and various chants, dances and sexual techniques for creating a magical power source. The first hour and-a-half was spent taking the dictation for the index alone, so I expect that I’ll be inputting the information non-stop for days on end. I’ve only just started on the visualization techniques section.
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, July 12, 1989
Computer Disk Number 54; file name: Spring ’89-15
I’ve successfully cast circle a few times now, and Kerry has ordered me to rest all day. Tonight he will dictate to me special instructions leading up to final transformation. We will conduct the ritual during tomorrow night’s full moon. I haven’t been feeling so well the past few weeks – not really sick, but generally weak in my body, and I’ve needed to sleep more than usual. It’s probably just fatigue from all the heavy psychic work I’ve been doing.
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, July 13, 1989
Computer Disk Number 54; file name: Spring ’89-16
The ritual went well. I followed Kerry’s instructions to the letter, even spilling a few drops of my blood into the libation mixture while invoking the Spirit of Kerry O’Toole. I then visualized the spirit as entering the libation chalice and drank it all. I don’t know what happened after that; I must have fainted, because when I awoke I was lying on the floor of the altar and all the candles had been snuffed out. Kerry’s instructions are to repeat the ritual every Friday night from now until the next full moon. He has promised me that I will feel stronger after the final ritual. I feel nauseous. Almost like I have “morning sickness”.
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, August 3, 1989
Computer Disk Number 55; file name: Summer ’89-1
My headaches have gotten much worse, and I’ve been having long lapses where I can’t remember where the time has gone. Kerry isn’t saying much other than that I will feel like a new person after the final ritual. That happens in another week and-a-half. I’m too tired to be enthusiastic about much of anything, but I sort of look forward to getting it over with.
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, August 9, 1989
Computer Disk Number 55; file name: Summer ’89-2
I’ve been having a very disturbing nightmare which has recurred for the past three nights now. In the dream I am doing the ritual, but when I draw Kerry’s spirit down into the libation chalice I visualize Winfield in the mixture: with a dagger through his heart and a terrified expression on his face. Then he wrenches the dagger from his chest and hands it to me saying: “It’s your only chance .. it’s your only chance.” I’ve been waking up in a sweat after every dream. I haven’t heard from Kerry since the nightmares have begun. In his last communication he told me that we were soon to meet in the flesh. He seems to be getting stronger and stronger, but maybe it’s just that I’m feeling so weak. I don’t know. Just a few more days until the blasted full moon.
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, August 11, 1989
Computer Disk Number 55; file name: Summer ’89-3
I can hardly get out of bed; I’m so weak and depressed. The nightmares haven’t stopped. I’m a little worried about getting confused during the ritual tomorrow night because my brain has been like scrambled eggs due to the blackouts and the dizziness. I wake up mumbling to myself too; usually the incantation I say right before I drink the libation mixture: “Come to me, Friend in Darkness. From my life so shall you have Light.”
Benjamin Friou – Journal Entry, August 12, 1989
Computer Disk Number 55; file name: Summer ’89-4
Benjamin Friou has died, along with Kerry O’Toole, by his own hand. May the Darkness always remain un ...... Bbbyye, Mommm....//
THE END
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